You all sit alone at home, battling your own minds, thinking you’ve lost it...
28/5/24
I swear my mind will always be this tricky beast that imma be taming till the day I die – and that’s why I am SO passionate about this Mindset work and helping others with their mindset. It can fucking drop you to your knees and create so much pain and suffering internally, that then starts to trickle into physical symptoms. Yet of course, duality baby, it can also be incredibly liberating, freeing, expansive, light, so much love, joy and happiness, aligned, sexy, intuitive and instinctual living that is just next level can’t explain amazing!
I know that as long as I am further down the journey than my clients, I can help them immensely, because I do all this shit on myself first and foremost. I didn’t just pass a test or read a book and go “oh hey im a mindset coach” I fucking live this shit and use it on myself every day as my longest and deepest client. So let me tell you the mind fuckery floating around in my head right now:
Guilt for being with another man because Dan and I didn’t break up, we were still in love, and yes I know he’s dead and I can’t be with him but it’s such a mindfuck and guilt comes up, even though I know it’s a waste of my brain power.
Guilt for feeling joy and happiness in my life again, and this is for a few reasons – society thinks I should be a depressed, grieving widow forever, the above example, and just that i’m so used to feeling fucking shit since nov 2022 that feeling this happy and joyful and hope for the future seems foreign and naughty in a way.
Un-deserving of happiness and joy, this is a HUGE one. Like excuse me brain? Wtf? Of COURSE I am deserving of happiness and joy. However, I think the thing here is how Jamie and I happened – so easy, so quickly, so much love so fast, so much joy and happiness instantly, like nothing i’ve ever experienced and so it is a new level of joy and happiness for me, and it’s off the back of being in hell for two years, so my mind is like “this is too good to be true” and i’m like SHUT THE FUCK UP CUNT, THIS IS KARMA GIVING ME A FUCKING BREAK AFTER GOING THROUGH HELL”.
I want to share these scenarios with you because if I battle duality in my head – I know you do too! If my brain feels guilty for feeling good, I know you will too sometimes. We don’t talk about this kind of shit enough. So you all sit alone at home, battling your own minds, thinking you’ve lost it and i’m here to tell you it’s a NORMAL PART OF BEING HUMAN. Our minds are wack, a reminder, you think 60-80,000 thoughts A DAY, of course they are not all true, not fact, a lot of it is repeating past circumstances’, the brain reacting in old ways cos that’s all it knows (habitual response). Understanding how your mind works is KEY to mastering that bitch, or at least taming it a little so YOU are in the drivers seat. She may take the wheel occasionally, then you kick her out and take it back!
I really hope this sinks in for you and on top of this you allow yourself to feel dualistic feelings at once, you can feel sad and happy ABOUT THE SAME THING. You don’t have to simply choose ONE feeling or emotions for everything that happens in your life. Don’t be afraid to sit with the feelings, be CURIOUS about how they feel in your body. They can’t hurt you. Learn to live WITH them, not numbing or avoiding them. That’s how I have moved through this grief the past almost year, i’ve sat in the fucking dark shadowy depths of the deepest, darkest, most uncomfortable feelings i’ve EVER had.
I mean. For those of you who have been reading from day one – look at the difference in my words, my experience, my energy from when Dan first died, until now at 11 months. It’s both gone very quickly and very slowly. I don’t really know where the past year went. And its fucking weird to think that my future now involves another man, and my kids having a step-father. You guys saw this manifestation come true in real time, I detailed in these pages the kind of future and man I wanted and its fucking here already. I really hope reflecting back on that allows you to believe that YOU can manifest what you desire too – but remember you have to BELIEVE IT AND KNOW IT, if you aren’t 100% in alignment and behind what you desire it won’t happen, or it’ll take longer, or will look vastly different, or you’ll just keep getting groundhog day.
Our mind is fucking POWERFUL, and over the past 11 months I have unlocked a new level of mindset, and I am open to and allowing of greater depths of duality coming my way, I am feeling safe to receive happiness, joy, abundance and beautiful things and experiences in my life, because I know what’s meant for me will not pass me by – and I certainly won’t let me own mind stop me from receiving!