When you fully feel the pain you can REALLY appreciate all the good

29/12/23

Dans Sister shared a memory on Facebook today and I balled my fucking eyes out over my smoothie bowl. It was a video we sent his Family in 2019 of us and Dylan who had just turned one, saying Merry Christmas, sending love and surprising them that we had booked a holiday to the UK the following year in June when its both our birthdays and Summer in the UK. But we never got to go because the plandemic happened. Then we couldn’t go anywhere for 3 years, then Dan got Cancer and we booked a trip to the UK again so he could see his country, his friends and Family and then he got too sick and we had to cancel it, then he passed away the day after his 37th Birthday when we were supposed to be in the UK. Fuck it hurts. It breaks my fucking heart. Again and again. The unfairness, thinking of all the things he never gets to do. I had a panic the other day thinking even before this grief brain I had a terrible memory and Dan had a great one – he would be telling the kids stories about when they were young, but I can’t cos I don’t remember shit and the pain of all those forgotten memories stings like a bitch.