We need to accept reality & our humanness, it is messy & dualistic & THAT’S OK

7/6/24

Life is so insanely busy in all areas right now I haven’t really been able to stop for a moment to really sit with how I’m feeling about my first birthday post Dan passing next week, then his the week after then his death anniversary the next day. But for now, I have to focus on what it happening in each moment as the kids are sick again, its been a week of Alyssa not at preschool, long weekend so short week for Dylan, It’s the weekend tomorrow so, perhaps next week I can get the space to process the mess in my head a bit. The mental load is frankly, fucking insane as there is A LOT of personal shit going on behind the scenes, that requires a lot of physical and mental effort to sort and is not simple things to sort. So, when this happens I have to go gentle with myself, not push myself too hard, let go of the stuff I have to push out, cancel etc and prioritise what is important and focus on that, and some days that’s simply take care of the kids, not even getting to the housework. I know it wont last and slowly things will get sorted one at a time and then BOOM i’m in a new phase, a new reality. There are big changes looming for me and its both exciting and daunting with the amount of life admin, but that’s when you have to narrow your focus and go within.