There's so much floating around in my head

22/6/23

Fucking hell. I am just so overwhelmed with everything floating around in my mind, I can’t get seeing Dan dying and dead out of my head. I had to go into the crematorium yesterday and fill out paperwork and choose what to keep his remains in, I’m finding it really hard to interact with people, I still just feel so heavy and foggy and I can’t pretend I’m ok and be cherry with people.

I keep thinking its Dan texting me when I hear my phone go, or ill see him again, but I wont. There’s no more back and forth to the hospice, there’s no more running around and rushing from kids to Dan and back again, and while I don’t have to watch him suffer anymore, I now have to work through this pain of him being gone and never seeing him again. We had a lot of plans for life and we won’t be able to do them.