There is no Timeline

9/7/23

Honestly this week has been a mess, I’ve been a mess. I have done so much work on myself the past 10 years, yet this level of full on, deep, raw, dark, traumatising emotions and feelings, it’s new, it’s a new level of mindsetting. And its fucking HARD. I can’t just switch off my grief, and it affects literally every part of my body, my body feels heavy and meh, it’s hard to get motivated to do anything, but my brain, oh my god my brain, I can literally feel my brain. It’s overloaded with everything of the past 8 months, and my entire body is still coded with being in fight mode, survival mode the past 8 months of Dan’s got Cancer, we gotta heal it, he needs to live, but we’ve also got two young kids, and a tiny village and 0 help from the system. Bro, it’s a lot.

And I refuse to stand here and go, I’m ok, i’m doing fine, i’m coping, i’ve got enough support, cos it’s a LIE, and just because i’m not coping well, doesn’t mean i’m doomed, doesn’t mean things wont change for me soon, doesn’t mean I wont master the mindset I need to get through this. Like I know what I need to do, but sometimes I actually just WANT to wallow in the grief you know? I never stay there, but i’m allowing myself the grace to FEEL it ALL.