That’s how I know this manifesting thing works...

15/4/24
I’m really struggling with the kids at the moment. Dylan’s on-going behaviour challenges since starting school, and now a switch has flicked in Alyssa and she’s started really pushing boundaries, saying no, refusing to do things, tantruming and just generally being a sassy miss. I also feel like i’ve been a bit too light on them in terms of behaviour and consequences because, well, frankly I haven’t had and still don’t have the fucking energy to really crack down, i’m always exhausted and it takes so much energy sometimes to battle with the kids, deal with the tears and tantrums when I set a boundary and uphold it etc it appears it may be starting to back fire on me, coupled with obviously the huge change of school for Dylan as well as the fact I have a new man in my life which also brings big changes as he sometimes stays and also comes with 3 kids that the kids have to learn to play with nicely etc 5 different little personalities to contend with, slightly different parenting styles and different ways of raising the kids ie mine are plant-based, healthy living vibes and well, most people aren’t like that haha. I don’t actually think it’ll be too hard for my kids to get used to Jamie being around and to live with him one day, simply because they’ve already been without a Dad so it will probably be a welcome for them – especially Dylan having no father figure or other male in the house has impacted him for sure, and that’s one reason I am grateful for the universe bringing me Jamie after 9 months, because in the grand scheme of things it may really help my kids, because they were without a father figure for such a short amount of time if you look at the rest of their lives, and Dan was raised by his step-dad, and so was Jamie (so many coincidences and similarities between him and Dan, they keep coming up like Dan was stabbed – so was Jamie, like come on!). Anyway, my parents are away, I don’t get a break from the kids other than school, and its day one of school holidays for two weeks, no sleep in, and my parents are only 1 week into a 6 week holiday. Its fucking daunting, even with Jamie here to support me when he can, and honestly out of the 5 years I’ve been a Mum both kids behaviour right now, coupled with the grief mental, emotional and physical symptoms I am still very much dealing with on the daily, i’m struggling, i’m struggling to parent because there hasn’t been anyone else to help me for over a year now, and i’m slowly opening up to the fact that well, there is someone to help me now, someone to talk to about parenting, but also we don’t live together and they aren’t his kids, so its all very different, it’s a big adjustment for ALL of us, because one day I’ll be a step-mum, one day we will merge our families and that’s fucking HUGE for the kids and us as adults/partners/parents. This is all very new territory and I am still very much battling the intense grief, finding love doesn’t make it go away, but it does help being able to allow myself to be cared for and supported by someone else, because a partner is a different level of support than my parents or a friend.