that moment is the only moment that matters.

3/10/23

It’s been non-stop cunty shit after cunty shit since Fathers day, I haven’t slept properly since then, and I’m getting hit with big stressors that activate my fight or flight and delicate nervous system something chronic. It’s so interesting to write out this raw and honest part of my life, as part of me thinks ya’ll will find it too dark, too down, too depressing, but, I also feel like ya’ll wanna see how the fuck I get myself out of the darkest shit I’ve ever experienced, how I tell my egoic victim mode to shut the fuck up and piss off, how I set solid boundaries, even though it terrifies me to do, how I deal with the grief, the kids grief, being single, being a solo parent 24/7, because the thing is, unless you’ve walked this path before me as a young widow, with young kids, you simply wont be able to fathom how much pain I’m in, how much my body and mind are fucked up, how easily overstimulated and stressed and overwhelmed I can get, how lonely and isolating and misunderstood being a young widow is etc etc and because of that my story may seem super dark and intense, but we all have a story. And we all get to decide how we navigate the story, if we let it take us for a ride and let go of the wheel, loosing control, or if we grab that wheel and make it our bitch.