So many feelings & Emotions with Grief & no right or wrong way to do it

24/7/23

I feel like I have turned a (albeit small) corner in this grief process. I just feel a bit lighter, like the fog has lifted a bit. My brain isn’t quite so, well, fucked. I am still experiencing all the symptoms I’ve previously mentioned, but just not to the extreme that I was. I don’t know if it’s just the time, it’s been just over a month, or the fact that I’ve finally had a bit more space to go SLOWER. The Memorial is done, so nothing that NEEDS done in a certain timeframe.

I’m allowing myself more space to do everything slowly, no rushing, cos my nervous system needs slow, nurturing, nourishing, peaceful, no pressure, no stress. I am trying to do a bunch of things towards sorting Dan’s estate, sorting the house etc then some self-care, good food, and literally doing bugger all before I get the kids. Other days I have an appointment instead of self-care which is most likely a self-care appointment anyway, or I might meet someone for a coffee. I’m trying to be a little bit more social, as the loneliness in palpable and I know being alone all the time or just me and the kids isn’t ideal.

I took the kids to a 7^th birthday party at inflatable world and fuck it was so overwhelming, the noise, all the people, trying to watch both kids, I managed about 2 hours then had to go, which I’m pretty proud of.

I’ve been reflecting lately on how people handle death, and people handle it so differently.