Its tricky experiencing this as a very independent Women, it’s humbling in many ways.
Life is all about choices.
The main thing I want to say right now, is this is NOT what I thought things would look like after loosing Dan. I guess we all have the thoughts, expectations, the guesses, you know of what we think life MAY look like, but as usual it often is NOTHING like what we thought.
Throw in the fact that most of us (myself included) have high expectations of self, and it’s a recipe for possible added stress and overwhelm. So, I’ve been really taking stock and being aware of where my expectations don’t meet reality, where I’m being too hard on myself, where I can lower my expectations, reduce stress and overwhelm, and just the pure fact that this grief/widow/solo mum journey is so new, so unknown and has no timeframe for anything to look a certain way by any particular time.
I’m having BIG thoughts (with no rush for decisions) about Dylan’s schooling, whether I want him to even start in term one as the reality is between Alyssa’s care. School, id get much less time for myself/work/housework than now and if my grief is still at this level, I don’t think it will work. I’ll also be going to the UK in April for possibly a month, so do I delay his school start till after then? Lot’s to think about but no rush, and has to be what’s best for our Family, in the meantime the kids have a great Carer.
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