It's my job to accept reality & work through my feelings & Emotions

24/6/23

I saw Dan for the last time yesterday. Mum, Dad, My brother and his Partner, Dans Dad, His (half) Brother and his Dads Wife were there. There was beautiful flowers around him, candles lit. I sat with him, just me and him for awhile. Just talking to him, sharing memories, I played a song that reminds me of the summer in Birmingham 2016 when we first met and were dating, but hadn’t actually talked about the fact we were dating lol. I cried, big, ugly tears. As hard as it was I knew I needed to see him one last time, see his body to say goodbye. The hardest part of that is he doesn’t look like him anymore, because the Cancer took so much of him away, he looked sick, a skeleton with skin, then I look at his photos and I remember the REAL Dan.

Always smiling, happy, positive, funny, sarcastic, dirty, getting shit done, loving, kind, caring, selfless, always chipping in and playing with the kids. That’s who I want to remember because Cancer changed him, he was still there, but buried underneath the layers of pain and suffering.