I’d like a break please universe?!
31/01/24
I just dropped Dylan off to his first ever day of school. He did AMAZING. Me, not so much. He’s been insanely excited for WEEKS, the day started with me getting woken up by Alyssa at 415am. Yup, 4 fucking 15 fucking am. I am NOT good when i’m sleep deprived, i’m even more emotional than usual. Not a good start, Dylan was up around 630, waltzing into the lounge in his school uniform. So cute. Big grin on his face. My friend came around to watch Alyssa with her toddler, while I dropped Dylan off. I want it to be just me and him for at least the first few days, before I’ll then have to take Alyssa in with me to drop him. He found a hook to put his bag on and we found where to put luncboxes and drink bottles. No one showed us where it went, I had to guess/ask, and it just makes me feel like im throwing my kid in the deep end, im used to him being in a house, where I know where everything is and so does he. I tried to think of what I needed to confirm with him, put you jersey in your bag or it will get lost/taken stuff like that we’ve never had to worry about, never had to label anything before. So much now and the school is fucking HUGE like 800 kids and they are building a new two story building which will push it to over 1000 - plus staff! It’s like I have to let my kid go, he’s been my first baby for 5 years and now I have to let him go and let him go into the big, bad world by himself and figure it out as he goes. And I have to figure out the school system and how everything works and where everything is myself too. All I could think of was ensuring he knew where the toilet is, and I’ve just gotta trust that the teacher will talk everything through with the kids. His teacher is literally fresh out of college, her first job I believe, and that doesn’t fill me with confidence especially with Dylans grief and history of separation anxiety.
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