I know that me living my life & how others feel about it are separate

5/4/24

I am getting so many messages from people after sharing my news about my new Partner that I am “glowing” that I look so happy, that I’m smiling lot’s and my whole demeanor has changed. I am the kind of person who has big energy. I wear my heart on my sleeve and find it hard to hide my emotions. There was no way I could hide this big shift in my life, which is why I kinda disappeared off social media for a bit there not showing my face a lot or posting a lot. People would fully have guessed lol. Despite the loud silence from Dans family of acknowledging my share or sending any love or happiness for me (since they know the pain I’ve been in and how much I loved Dan), everyone else friends, my family (well parents lol), and all my social media community have sent me nothing but love and I’m so grateful. I think anyone who has judged has kept silent or unfollowed, which honestly I don’t get. Cos its is unlikely they are a widow too which is just crazy. You will NEVER know what i’ve walked through and what I am STILL navigating unless you’ve been in my position. And its just another fucked up thing about society, oh you’ve had some shit cards dealt Sarah, the worst fucking pain imaginable, but you know, stay there. Don’t be happy again how dare you! Don’t love again how could you? Keep your heart closed. Be depressed forever. What kind of fucking life is that? Why should I suffer and be unhappy and depressed to make other people comfortable? That’s fucking INSANE bro. What matters is how I feel about my life, how my kids feel and how Dan feels and goddamit I knew him the best out of everyone, he was everything to me, my lover, partner in life, co-parent, best friend. We shared literally EVERYTHING. I KNOW what he wanted because he TOLD ME, I know because the signs he sent were too big to ignore and I hear his voice saying fuck them babe, do what feels right for you. He is STILL my biggest cheerleader. I would want the same for him, to be happy, loved and my kids loved and cared for. Simple. No on else gets a say and to think their feelings should dictate how I live my life is fucked. Other people’s feelings and opinions are THEIRS to deal with, I have enough on my plate battling my own shit everyday, and don’t get it twisted this is a mindfuck.