I just want to be so DEEPLY ME and I know that energy will be powerful

8/3/24

Right now, I’m about as messy as a messy human can get. This week I’ve had some really down days where I just feel so flat, depressed, lonely. And I refuse to make myself wrong for that, I refuse to feel guilt, I refuse to FORCE myself to be “happy” and more positive. I do notice that when i’m around other people my energy shifts and I can be more positive naturally, but the problem is I’M ALWAYS ALONE BRO. Either just me or with the kids which is obviously not the same as adult connection which is really important. I did a photoshoot with a friend yesterday for some updated shots for my business and it was so fun to laugh And play and be silly and chat about random stuff. In this reality of my age and the fact everyone I know has kids and their own families and jobs etc I just can’t be social and have the company often. The only time I am free is for about 5 hours a day weekdays, that’s it. Then when mum and dad have the kids every second weekend, but that will be finished soon as they are going away for 6 WEEKS. Yeah i’m freaking the fuck out cos they are my number 1 help. Anyways, I find myself not even bothering to ask people to hang out cos they will be busy and yeah it sux. But what can I do? I am still on bumble and have chatted to a few chicks but have only met with one, who lives locally and seems nice but we have our kids on opposite weekends and haven’t found a time for a playdate, but should be able to catch up without kids during the week sometime so will do that next week as today i’m meeting Mum for lunch in town then have an appointment at the hospital for my broken vagina. Yep. Fun times haha.