I feel like I can’t talk about being a widow anymore...

17/5/24

Honestly I’m freaking struggling. I knew it would be hard with Mum and Dad away for 6 weeks, as they are my kind of only support with the kids other than school and pre-school. I usually get 24 hours kid free each fortnight to sleep, do self-care, maybe attend an event or be social etc, my parents often step in and help if the kids are sick, blah blah. So it’s been 6 weeks of 0 help, 0 sleep ins, only time to myself being the 5 hours when kids are at school  and pre-school, and I don’t count time to myself in the evenings when I’m tired as fuck after getting the kids to bed. In amongst that we had all 3 of us down with a vomiting bug which was insanely hard to navigate alone (Jamie came over to help cos I got hit first and didn’t realise I had a vomiting bug, then I gave it to him so he was out at his house, sigh). Then only two weeks later Dylan got hit again with a virus and was off school unwell for 4 days, then he was his normal self on the Saturday then boom the next day Alyssa was sick and basically cried all day and wanted to be on me, the fucking juggle of that alone is so hard. It brings up so many feelings and emotions with the grief too and no father of my kids here. Jamie can’t help much around his own kids, work etc so its mainly just me on my own.