I do what I need to do to feel alive, to feel like I am in control of my reality

26/10/23

I have realised this week that I feel more grounded within myself, more centered. I feel more stable like I CAN handle whatever life throws at me, cos I’ve got this far right? I feel a bit more clear headed like some of the intense brain pain grief has faded. I cry and get overwhelmed by grief waves a little less. But I tell you what – that in itself is a MINDFUCK! Cos part of me goes, but maybe you should be more fucked up Sarah? Does that mean I don’t care as much? OMG our brains can be crazy huh! Cos obviously me not walking around a crying hot mess 24/7 doesn’t mean I’m not still deeply grieving and missing the man I spent 7 years of my life with and had two kids with. Grief is so individual and so personal and no one will deal with it the same. I feel like Dan would be very proud of me, I’ve heard some intense stories about widows and on the whole I am probably doing well, and honestly I have to thank my years of work I have done on myself, my mindset, Mindfulness, tools, rituals an practices to calm my mind, body, and nervous system, awareness of self and my personal needs, the ability to set strong boundaries, say no, ask for and receive help – these are all things that a lot of people simply are not even aware of, or cannot do for various reasons.