I cant find the hope and positivity sometimes
7/2/24
Do you know what’s normal? Kids starting school and going feral. Do you know what’s normal? Kids turning 3 and learning how to climb out of their cot, push boundaries, fight sleep and be sassy. Do you know what’s not normal? Having to parent completely alone because their daddy fucking died of cancer one day after turning 37. Biologically my body is wired to parent with the father. Society isn’t set up to support a young grieving widow who’s body and mind has been kidnapped by the affects of grief, and her two young kids, running a household, childcare, winz, tax, banks, estates, physical stuff from partners said death, vehicles etc jesus h christ is this fucking HARD. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I can FULLY understand why widows top themselves. It is isolating, lonely, debilitating and there is simply no one to help. A baby sitter, school or childcare during the day for 6 hours isn’t enough, that’s when I get groceries, take the car for a service or wof, go to an appointment for my own wellbeing, try nap or do selfcare, meet a friend to try be social and not completely fucking alone all day everyday with nothing but two little kids for company. I have not been suicidal – ever, and I still am not now, but I know how hard this is, I know how much I struggle, I know how often I break down, I know how much I often want to run away and not live this reality, and I know that someone who isn’t as strong and aware as me would cave, they’d give the fuck up. And then their kids would have no parents, man it gets me. But what can I do? How can I change societies perspective on grief and how fucking insanely hard it is to be a widow in our modern society? I mean you can order food to your house but no one can come put my girl back into bed for me 6 times a night can they? No one can instantly stop my grief or my 5 year old being feral after starting school – another huge life transition within 7 months of his Daddy passing.
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