Goodbye....

23/7/24

This will be my last substack entry about my grief journey. I’ve realised that for me, continuing to talk about it all the time is not doing me any favours in letting go of a past I cannot change. It’s stopping me from FULLY being PRESENT in the bright, beautiful future with a man that loves me, loves my kids and wants to grow old with me. I have been struggling to let go, because well, because of the assumptions, projections and opinions of others. I did a post on my social media a few days ago, summing this up – go read that if you haven’t. Essentially my grief journey is now not the main focus of my life and it has turned into something private and personal as It does not need as much focus anymore. The main things I am dealing with are privately honouring Dan and keeping his memory alive in my kids, and dealing with the ongoing toll everything has had on my body and mind.  I am doing my first EMDR session Friday so that the most traumatic memories I have no longer create such a visceral reaction in my body and mind – I also shared that without even doing the exposure therapy I mentioned in a previous post a huge shift in my grief journey happened earlier this week when I drove past where Dan died and did NOT have a reaction in my body – this is FUCKING HUGE.

The breakdown I had recently has catapulted me forward, It allowed me to release so much fucking pain, stress, anxiety, trauma and for the first time in two years I feel truly ALIVE again. I didn’t even realise how down and out I still was until I had the breakdown and I feel the shift in my body and mind now.  Emotions, traumas, it all gets STUCK and it needs to be released. Finding the individual ways to release it is the journey and can take a long time – I’m still on the journey, but I feel it is no longer acute.

I am SO grateful I have a lot of self awareness and I am able to FULLY OWN where I am at and what I need to do to grow, shift, move on etc I am also aware enough to listen to those around me who can see where I’m stuck, blocked etc and I can’t.  In the past I would have resisted change, I would have not wanted to admit where I am sabotaging myself, where my own mindset, thoughts and habits are fucking with my ability to grow, evolve, heal and move forward. So, what feels right for me right now is taking a step away from grief being at the forefront of everything. That includes writing this blog, and talking about it on social media as often as I do, as well of course, as talking about it less in real life. I will still share big milestones or progress in my healing journey, but my daily focus is of the present and future with my man, my kids, my business and my healing, truly LIVING and making Dan proud of me and the kids by being my authentic self and by being HAPPY – cos if there’s one thing I know is that me and the kids being happy will make him immensely happy.

Owning your shit can be hard, it can bring up feelings of shame, you can feel embarrassed. Like imagine how I feel sharing all this shit for two years – at my darkest time, when I’m supposed to be a mindset coach? But the point is NO ONE HAS THEIR SHIT FIGURED OUT 100% OF THE TIME! We are ALL growing, learning evolving, trying new things, fucking up, falling down, getting back up, so lets not pretend we are all supposed to have our shit perfect 24/7. I share this stuff because honestly I think as a fellow human and if you’ve ever thought of being my client – you’ll respect me a hell of a lot more when you know I’m human, I make mistakes, I own my shit and I learn and grow from it. I show you how I’m dealing with shit in real time, I am honest about my struggles and I fully own dealing with them – I don’t sit here waiting for someone to fix them for me, I don’t complain and expect to just wake up and be ok, I work on that shit, I seek help and support, because I know I’m not supposed to do ALL of it alone. If someone is sprouting perfect shit all the time I don’t buy it and I don’t relate. There is nothing wrong with feeling meh then picking yourself back up.

Thank you for being here, thank you for supporting me, I would love to hear from you about what you Have enjoyed about reading my blog, my journey, how it may have helped you etc – feel free to reach out to me personally to share on social media or email me soulsafetyenergetics@gmail.com.

All things come to an end and I am following my intuition and it is saying, this blog has run its course. Since November 2022 I’ve been writing on here, its November 2024 in a few days time, full circle baby.

Change is part of life and I am embracing this and going with the flow, following my heart and intuition, and I will continue to grieve, grow, learn, love, evolve, fall down and get back up.

This will be here for you to read and reflect on. I may continue to write about other topics in depth – I don’t know yet. In the mean time come join me on Social Media (fb and Insta) and in my private Facebook group or come work with me intimately and have your own awakening, growth and evolution!

So much fucking love, Sarah xoxo