Finding the Balance of Hopeful & Practical

1/5/23

The past week or so has been truly horrific, I was brought to my knees, thinking that Dan was going to die. I have never seen someone so sick and barely able to keep his eyes open, let alone do anything else. He is so strong. He was so calm. I got a call on the Friday from our oncologist as a District Nurse had taken a blood test earlier that day and she said his potassium levels were very high, they were awaiting further results but based off that and how I described him, she said to bring him in to hospital.

So I frantically packed him a bag, called my parents to pick the kids up and took him into hospital – again. While in A and E, a Dr checked him and then asked us if we’d been told about resus. We said no. He said basically if Dan had a cardiac arrest they would likely NOT revive him as its not like the movies, it is brutal on the body and can cause broken ribs and other injuries and he may come back in a coma etc we fucking lost it. That felt like him telling us Dan may die. We were so scared.