A True test of Everything I have

21/5/23

I feel like I share about 0.01% of what this journey entails online, and about 50% here. It is the single most brutal, hard as fuck, debilitating, horrific thing I have ever gone through, and it’s not like a rip the band aid off thing, it’s like living a nightmare every day type thing. I dance between feeling lost, lonely, hopeless, scared, anxious, stressed to fuck, and feeling snippets of hope, joy, love, pure presence, and sometimes those get tainted as a part of me is like – how dare you feel happy for a moment with this going on! But, I’m learning that it’s ok to feel good, while also going through a literal nightmare.